♥ Friday, March 19, 2010
if only i have a way/ if only i own a gun , i would have kill myself first .
i guess that's what you guys have been waiting for , huh ?& i guess it's time , for me to remove my private blog , there's nothing i've to hide , there's nothing i'm afraid of to let ppl see/know .& this's gonna be a v. last post for that particular person which i've let go once & regretted .once & for all , right .i can't possibly hold on for soo long when the other had already moved on .he's a guy which i never thought of falling in love with , never thought of myself loving him so deeply .he made me realised not every guys are bastards , slowly i open up to him .but as i do , problems & problems occured .
me , always being the stubborn one , always make decisions without thinking when i'm angry .always talk whatever i want or feel that it's right without even thinking through .i admit i'm a problematic gal .always wanted the best for me 'cause i had never have the best for myself .family members are just like strangers to be .who can i rely on ?i chose to rely on you .'cause i believe that you're the only one that can make me smile .ever since we're officially over , i keep on thinking why .why is it always me who do all this shits when you don't deserve all this shits .but you never do anything to keep me back .always wondering why , but @ last i get it .it's all 'cause you don't love me anymore .if you do , you will do something to it to keep me back .i'm sick of seeing myself crying to sleep , sick of waiting for your texts/replies .i admit i'm weak , i can't accept all these that had happened . 'cause i always thought you loved me & that the love you had for me will never fade .oke i was being stupid to believe that .
& when i get to see that particular message , i broke down , immediately .
'cause i couldn't get myself to believe that .
that you had really found a gal .
you said i left you too long , & that you got to move on ?
i did text you last time , but you didn't reply me most of the time .
& what talking you ?
saying that i left you too long , how abotu me saying you who is the one that wants to ignore my texts .
so what if i'm wrong in the first place to let you go ?
i realised my mistakes but did you ever realise all this while i've been suffering a lot ?
you will never know 'cause simply just couldn't care much .i did stupid decisions & i thought that will make you want me back , but i was wrong .tried so hard falling in love but failed .great uh ?& ended up hurting the other .i'm oh so great in hurting ppl i guess .but i will bring it to a stop .i will never ever step into a relationship ever again , until after my o's i suppose .i simply just can't fall for the others & i don't wanna hurt another , ever , again ..
♥Loving God wholeheartedly and Loving People fervently.
3:09:00 PM
