♥ Tuesday, June 22, 2010
It's approaching,
again. Anticipating, but at the same time, i will try not to be too emotional over it. After so long,
I've learn a lot, seriously. Though at times, i fall. But i still manage to stand up. If not for You, i would have
committed suicide. It might seem funny to ppl out there who is reading, but if you were me, you will definitely understand.
Still wondering, when will i ever have the courage to step into a so called "horrible" place, which i'm so fearful of, again. But i will have to, eventually.
Afterall, i know what i am doing. I aren't the old me anymore. And i finally came to realised, when it's not yours, it will never be. And even though sometimes it comes back to you, i would say mostly, will leave you again. It's just like a process, or even the chapters of your life, you have got to go through it. Although it hurts, but afterall what you gain is much more than you expect.
Letting go, doesn't always mean it's a bad thing. I rmb watching a Malay show, Radit dan Jani. A v. good show is what i can say. I would rate it a 9/10. Oke back to that, to me, letting go of someone you love is noble, in the sense that you let him/her go because you know you would have to due to some reasons, eventually. Or even letting him/her go because you know the person aren't loving you enough, and that he/she's plainly fooling around with your feelings. They are amazing people i would say. Not many will do that, i suppose.
And of course, who doesn't want a guy of their dreams? Sometimes, it's just that it's not your time yet. To me, i don't really know what is love now. How funny can i be? But frankly speaking, it's not that i don't know la, haha i'm not that stupid you know~ It's just that... (...) Yeah, that's about it.
i know why i keep typing all those nonsense, it's all because my eyes are closing... I'm so lame! But insomnia again, oh my, oh god, oh dear, oh man, oh, oh, OH! I just feel like staying out till late night till school re-opens, which means till next week. Oh my, that's pretty fast, school holidays are ending~ I just remembered what my Tutor said to me just now. Oh my, i swear i can't believe what i am hearing haha.
Tutor: So, how? Prelims are coming and soon is your Nlevel.
Me: Huh? What a question~ I... Actually have no idea yet. probably start study?
Tutor: Ok, try to talk to your mum, so that we can have two lessons per week.
Me: (I was like, you want me to faint? Once per week is killing.) I will try...
Tutor: Ok, let's say, if you fail to make it for Sec 5, and you got to go Ite. Hmmm, but actually Ite is not a bad choice also. Some countries also accept Ite Dipoma Cert if you want to have a further studies overseas.
Me: My reaction was totally shocked with my eyes almost popping out. NO! I never want to be there.
Tutor: It's actually not a bad choice too. But if you really don't want, STUDY HARD. That's what i can say.
Me: Ok... Try...
Oh my i can't still can't bring myself to beleive what he said to me.
He never ever encourage me to go Ite! And he won't want to see me there. I guess he's nuts. For now, haha maybe he's too stress. I never thought that those words would be coming out of his mouth. That's disappointing. But no, i won't let what he told me affect me. Because i don't want to land in Ite. I mean it's really not a bad choice but i know myself well, if i go there = i won't even want to study. I'm that kind of person and seriously i don't want to see myself fooling around and end up with nothing. I want a bright bright future! I want to shine! And i never want to lose.. but what the hell am i up to/ Fancy not editing my F&N work, not revising. Oke, that would get me anywhere... Like seriously, i'm gonna be more discipline and i will just keep telling myself to study and after a few months, i will be free. I will paste pieces of paper i nmy files, my pencil case, my wallet and anywhere tha ti can see and i will write, "For My Bright Future, I Got To Study! Bling Bling Bling!" I swear now i am the one going nuts.
Oke, that's all. Hopefully i can sleep well~ Going out to town tmrw, with my mum i guess. If not i will call up any one of my girls to accompany me to town get some stuffs! Soooooooooo happy and yes, i got my nude lippie! Thanks to mummy again, muah!
♥Loving God wholeheartedly and Loving People fervently.
12:49:00 AM
